On Precious Advices as Doled out via Instant Messenger

Instant Messenger is really the ideal means of communication: it provides a perfect forum for light conversation and, crucially, when you get bored of the other person you can always sign off and blame your 'stupid internet connection'. It's divine.

Provided this, Eff the Police would like to announce the merger of "IM conversations with my potty mouthed friends" (an as yet unreleased feature) with "Conversations with my Beloved Guy Friends I, II and III". We truly believe that this new enhanced medium is the wave of the future (if your particular definition of the future exists somewhere in the 7th grade).

Herewith, the first offering of Precious Advices as Doled out via Instant Messenger:


On Translating “Girl Speak”

[19:29] Girl: How is bareback girl?
[19:29] I’maCowboy: hahaha
[19:29] Girl: how much do we love her nickname btw
[19:29] I’maCowboy: it's phenomenal
[19:29] I’maCowboy: OH I didn't even tell you
[19:29] I’maCowboy: we were talking last night
[19:30] I’maCowboy: and she was like "so... um... i remember making out...
[19:30] I’maCowboy: but, nothing after
[19:30] Girl: she is such a liar
[19:30] I’maCowboy: is there anything i should be worried about?
[19:30] Girl: No, she is trying to say
[19:30] Girl: "i swear im not a slut"
[19:30] Girl: when really
[19:30] Girl: u dont care!
[19:30] I’maCowboy: hahahahaha

On setting the mood

[19:33] Girl: the key
[19:33] Girl: is that you have the bottle open when she arrives
[19:33] Girl: so its not like "i'm trying to get you drunk"
[19:34] Girl: its more like, oh heyyyy, i was just having a glass of wine, want one...or 5?


On Current Events and Cults in Particular

[19:43] Girl: is there such thing as polygamy for women
[19:43] Girl: ?
[19:43] Girl: I’m gonna start that cult
[19:43] I’maCowboy: it's called being a whore
[19:43] Girl: fuck you
[19:43] I’maCowboy: you didn’t let me finish
[19:43] I’maCowboy: and the members of that cult ROCK