Coworkers I will make fun of- Part I

Every week in the inane company newsletter that only I seem to have the time to read, there is an employee interview. This gives minions with no exposure to the outside world or higher ups a chance to shine. Favourite vacation destination? If you're smart you'll say Martha's Vineyard, the partners love the Vineyard. Favourite Movie? Say Schindler's List and you might be breaking Challah with the boss and his wifey next Friday. And so on and so forth.

This week's issue was from a man called Rubendran, a Systems Analyst "from" Nashville Tenessee. This guy was a real gem. Herewith, the questions, unadulterated answers, and my burning questions and commentary- below.

How long have you been with (Company Name Redacted so I don't get slapped with a lawsuit)? Where did you go to school and what was your major?

I am working in more than 3 years. I have completed the Master in Computer Application in Madras University, Chennai.

You don’t say.


How has (Company Name Redacted) changed in the time since you joined?

I learned a LOT about people mentality after joining .

I’m certain none of it was in a positive way either.

I think this will be useful to live in this competitive world.

No, actually it won’t. It will alienate you from your friends, and your parents will stay up at night wondering how they raised such a haughty little prick. I have a wealth of knowledge on the topic.

What keeps you busy outside of work?

I keep me busy by reading some technical stuff’s. Yes of course Music, playing some games with friends keeps me busy outside of work.

I actually can’t knock this; nothing gets me more hot and bothered than a guy who reads technical stuffs .

What song, artist or album must be on your album?

Artist: Maharajapuram Santhanam songs (no matter what song or Album).

It must suck when the other FOBs laugh at you behind your back because Maharajapuram was really only popular the year you moved to the states. It’s sort of like when we all went abroad that one summer and came back listening to Dragosta Din Tei thinking we were the shit. Except we actually were, and your answer just makes me sad.


In the movie version of your life, who will play you and why?

With out fail, I would like act in my role, because I know no one can fill my role. And when a movie is taking about my life, then I should be the hero, then obvious I like to play hero’s role than any one’s role.

For reals, no one could play you in a movie? Are you sure about that? I know you’re pretty unique; I don’t know many Indian guys who are techies in large financial services companies. There must only be a handful of you.

Wait. I totally know you……didn’t you help me last week when I kept getting that error message because I illegally installed AIM on my computer? And you told me it was a very simple application issue that you could troubleshoot in your sleep, with one hand, backwards? I take it back Veejay, you are my hero! No one could play you in a movie.

What do you mean your name is Rubendran?


Which is the more important gadget: iPod or mobile phone? Why?

Both, it is like asking do you want left hand side eye or right hand side eye.

I’m trying to think of some sort of iPhone – Cyclops metaphor but this guy is too deep for me: I can’t focus.


What nickname do friends or family have for you?

RK.

Oh RK, I don’t know one guy who doesn’t think his initials constitute a nickname. Nice work.