Friday evening, over a bottle of Prosecco and far too many Marlboro Lights on my friends Lower East Side rooftop, the talk turned to the heat. Specifically, the City heat that can only be generated by a blazing sun and complete lack of ventilation. A friend extolled the beauty of her air conditioning unit, one that she was quick to point out she leaves on all day so as to squash any hint of heat that might enter her artificial paradise. I don’t take to the heat very well, but this shocked even me.
“You mean, even when you aren’t there, you leave it on?!” I wondered aloud.
“Yes. All day. I can’t be bothered to shut it off.”
“All day.” I repeated.
“Yes,” she echoed, somewhat perplexed.
“Your carbon footprint must be atrocious!” I huffed. “I mean, really!”
The conversation, for a brief moment, fell silent. Or perhaps I just imagined it had because I was so enamored by what I’d just said (this happens fairly often, no cause for alarm). What’s more, I hadn’t even said it to impress the handsome environmentalist/mogul who had just cracked open a beer next to me.
I had been levitated to the veritable bright side.
................
As you, my dear reader will recall, I’ve often lamented the pitfalls of Yuppy obligations: maintaining interest in the Benefit circuit (its for the children!), going on insufferable dates with “good on paper” guys, going green. But I shall concede that perhaps…perhaps… I’ve railed on these intolerable practices because I’m just so bad at acting like I care. I guess I could be on the committee for Golfing in the Ghetto: giving children aspirations to play a sport they never knew existed and which they will never afford to play once the program runs dry. I could date the guy whose first name sounds like a last name and wears a pocket square and also just happens to be so bad in bed he makes you want to weep. I also could stab myself in the eye with a rusty needle.
Or maybe I could just go green? Yes, yes apparently that was the subconscious line of reasoning.
So it was that I found myself in Central Park the next day sharing a baguette and grapes with a charming gent who turned me on to his site, Greenzer. From the site:
Greenzer is a next-generation shopping engine designed to make environmentally conscious shopping easier…collecting product and merchant information from across the internet to filter and arranging it into a comprehensive catalogue of the web's best and greenest products.
The timing was brilliant.
Because let’s be honest, the only thing a great deal of us are really good at is consuming. It fills that nagging void that says: Why am I in the office on Saturday afternoon when everyone else is at the beach? Have you guys ever felt that void? No? Ok then, how about the “Why am I not getting laid?” void. Really? Okay, okay how about the “I have no soul and the devil is probs saving a spot in hell for me?” Bingo! Well let me tell you, in the short term…buying shit helps that feeling. Trust me on this one.
Especially when it’s shit that’s green. And replaces shit you never really cared about in the first place... like wind breakers and shampoo. See how this works?
Because in truth, I haven’t gone all dark side on you. I’m not going to stop taking showers, or eating meat, or any of that nonsense, but I’m a huge proponent of change that requires minimal effort on my part. And yours. And I’m willing to concede that this is a little problemo that needs to be addressed, and the sheer quantity of stuff for sale on this site is a testament to the fact that I'm apparently the last person stuck in fucking 1995. You don't want to be stuck there with me.
Girl
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