The other day I was watching television when it came on: yet another ad for “premium vodka”, this one for Ciroc (made from premium distilled grapes! Not from all those other obscure vegetables its usually made out of!). Anyway, as per every other Vodka commercial I have ever seen, it featured a heady mix of the following:
a) Russian looking models in short dresses and impossibly high heels
b) Men in Velvet Blazers (this, being the preferred look for cheeky clubbers…circa my freshman year of college)
c) Velvet couches in club (overkill)
d) Some big toy, like a private jet or a boat- it doesn’t matter, as long as it’s something you can’t afford- parked right outside the club (Are we in St. Tropez?)
e) Puff Daddy
Now, I know this is meant to simulate the ideal clubbing experience, but in the interest of honest advertising, it really should resemble this:
a) Girls in short dresses and impossibly high heels who look really good with the lights out/ foam flying out of the ceiling but entirely different the next morning in your bed with clown like eye makeup caked on their cheeks and Jack on their breath
b) Men in white or blue button downs and jeans who don’t look particularly good in any lighting
c) Couches that once resembled velvet and are now covered in a mysterious mixture of vodka cranberry, vomit, anonymous bodily fluids and cigarette burns
d) A kabob truck parked outside
e) Lindsay Lohan
Of course, commercials aren’t meant to be realistic (silly rabbit!), they are meant to reflect the activities or, more accurately, the desires of their customer base. Ciroc, Absolute, Grey Goose, they want to reach out and touch whoever is going to pay 300 dollars for a bottle of vodka that is worth approximately 50 cents. You know that rare person who throws caution to the wind, is slightly idiotic, and has the financial wherewithal that only stupid parents or a job in financial services can bankroll.
Ciroc, can I be honest with you here for a second? That guy doesn’t need all the hoopla to be sold on your vodka- he’s already an alcoholic. The consumer base you really need to get at is the younger set. I’m talking, 13…maybe 14. The age at which we used to pool together the cash our parents gave us on parent’s weekend and send some newb down to Boston with a hockey bag and kindly order him to return with as many handles of cheap vodka as he could carry. Capture that Holden Caulfieldesque cusp of innocence and convince more kids to fall off the cliff into to liver damage and embarrassing hookups. Advertise that it packs light, doesn’t stink on your breath, and will give your loser ass a heightened sense of confidence that you so desperately need. Show the kids how vodka can turn the stuffiest of Squash courts into a veritable harem, and a school dance into a private U2 concert in Muscat.
Seriously, P. Diddy is so passé- show these kids what it means to be The motherfucking Fox.
You can thank me later.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
girl, diddy owns Ciroc so I doubt he'll have the wherewithal with divorce himself from the advertising of his baby. Further, Ciroc is an attempt on his behalf to cash in on his reputation a a latter day James Gats. In fact the symmetry is quite fitting. Anyway, Diddy has no competency in competing on cost in vodka. Nor does he have the ability to appeal to those with a discerning palette. His target audience is people who still go to Marquee, who want to be a member of some elite that they're vaguely aware of but have never actually encountered.
On a separate note, I totally forgot you boarded. So you were studying for the SATs in 6th grade but drinking at 13? You were a rare brand of over achieving self destructive pseudo cool kid. Usually people are only 2 of the 3.
Post a Comment