Something Beautiful

A few summers ago I found myself in Amsterdam. It was one of those dreamlike days where there is the faintest breeze and slightest chill to the morning. My family and I took 3 tables at an outdoor cafe, facing the few cyclists who had emerged at that hour. We shared coffee and Dutch apple pancakes, criossant and eggs. Afterward we strolled down to the Van Gogh museum.

On arriving, we each dutifully fell into our own pace, some walking briskly through the galleries, others floating between the pieces. My sister turned right on entering a room, my father, to the left. We were stunned that the sunflowers were actually so small, and at the depth and rainbow of colors used to create each piece. As I entered the last room, something caught my eye and I cut straight to the middle. There were the Almond Blossoms; the most spectacular painting I had ever seen. The colors evoked that day so crisply, and the effect was one of overwhelming tranquility and beauty.

I stood before it for an hour before I was ushered on to leave. I could have stared at it for years.

Today, I saw a photograph that immediately harkened back to that perfect day.


Proof that there is continuity in beautiful things. That the memory of such simple and incredible days can carry us through dark and cold ones alike.

Have a lovely weekend,

Girl

Bye Bye Bushie

And on that note, Happy Inauguration Day.

I'll be watching the Inauguration from MSSSC (My Super Sweet Subsidized Cafeteria). It's a big day so I thought I'd do it up large and get the Healthy Station chicken wrap, the indiscriminate "indian flavoured" chick pea side, AND Baked Lays. Fuck the calorie po-po's.

Congratulations to Barack Obama and his family for realizing the hopes of so many.

God Bless,
Girl

Amazon is a wealth of funny shit far cooler than anything i could ever think up of

It's true. For all those who have been complaining about my lack of blogging (Yes D and EricM, I am addressing you, but I'm sure there are many others quietly seething in the background and pricking their Girl Voodoo Dolls), I have good reason. In no short order, my friends have started to imply that they don't really enjoy my exposing their sexual exploits (I can't imagine why), guys reallly don't want to date a girl who is remotely funny (even if they say they do, they are secretly unbearably uncomfortable about the whole "thing"), but most importantly, because I have realized Amazon commenters are funnier than I am and it gives me hives.

Legit.

Check this out- commentary on PlayMobils fun little Security Checkpoint Toy.

Allow me to give you some highlights:

By
Gwen P. (Douglassville, PA, USA) - What better way to teach the next generation how to behave in a police state then with a toy such as this? I'm really hoping that they come out with a toy in which the kids can play "interregator". Think of all the fun the little folks can have waterboarding those who "hate our freedom".

By

Delia (Eugene, OR)- I especially appreciated the enclosed signed photo of Michael Chertoff and his letter explaining how necessary it is to start educating today's youth early with toys like these, especially as their elders just don't seem to be taking the whole thing seriously

By
Gen. JC Christian, patriot (Tremonton, UT United States) -
Durability: Fun: Educational: I like the basic idea. I applaud Playmobile for attempting to provide us with the tools we need to teach our children to unquestioningly obey the commands of the State Security Apparatus

There are more. Needless to say, I've been brutally unseated from my snarky throne. I'm going to brush my shoulders off and try to recover this week though- fingers crossed my Darling Minions.

"Why he hasn't called in a week": the Definitive Guide

I either won or lost the game, depending on your view of things

This morning, I was reminded of this story by a young man (we'll call him S) with whom I attended Analyst Training 2 years ago. He had a wicked sense of humor and was stuck with shouldering the dumbest group in the class. This endeared him to me immediately, as I too am wickedly hilarious and was shouldering the burden of a German playboy, a gentleman from the Johannesburg office who had a penchant for leaving the room to refill on free cookies every 10 minutes, and a Southern girl who twirled her hair so much I thought it might fall out.

For those of you who haven't experienced the sheer pleasure, Analyst Camp is alot like Band Camp, except with exceptional catering, private rooms, and the myth that you are being evaluated. Some people just live in their apartments and attend class during the day, but my company actually sent us to a lodge in the middle of nowhere. It heightens the beer goggle effect, I believe.

On the first day, they tried to cajole us into believing that the classroom portion might be fun.

"Ve going to play, two truuth and Liiie," Sventlana, the Russian Director and our terrible instructor went on. I shot S a look and he burst out laughing.

"Eeets ice break," she continued, and I died a little inside. I hated this game, even more so when people were being evaluated because it converted the usual nonsense (e.g. "I have a red car, I have a blue car, I have a green bicycle! Just try and guess!), into failed attempts to impress others ("I climbed mount kiliminjaro on my hands, I run a hybrid orphanage-school in rural India, Warren Buffett is my godfather!") . But I went along with it and wrote mine down like everyone else, waiting patiently until at last, my turn came.

"Hi. Okay:," I stuttered. "1) I left home at 13, 2) I used to have blonde hair, 3) I was a clown travelling with the circus."

My fellow students immediately started deliberating which item, as a team, they would designate as my lie (Yes, we were already "working as teams"). I saw the table next to mine, write down their answer, then feverishly scratch it out and replace it with another. When time was called, one of the tables was forced to write down an answer which I could tell they hadn't agreed on. Were these people serious? They actually think that, not only might I have been a clown, but that I was a travelling clown? Who has now decided to go into financial services? I could feel the laughter boiling up inside of me.

Every team picked #2.

"So, vich vun it eez?" Svetlana cooed.

I laughed so hard I cried. "Are you guys serious? You think I was a clown?!?!" I challenged.

"Well," my Analyst -camp fling from the London office spoke up, "your being blonde just seems utterly silly!" The room nodded in agreement.

First impressions are funny like that.

On the Horrible Affects of the Downturn, Part I

GM: Bartender! I'll take two shots of the cheapest tequila you have.

Girl: Sorry, he meant 2 shots of patron.

GM: It's a recession, Sugar. I can't make it rain like I used to.

Girl: I think your newly depleted net worth can spare me some Patron.

GM: Just close your eyes- it will all taste the same.

Yuppie Angst

Dear Big Brother Big Sister of Manhattan,

Thanks for your rejection note. I understand that you are overstaffed with Big Brothers and Big Sisters in Manhattan at this juncture. How could you not be? People in New York are so goddamn giving of their time and energy, not to mention obsessed with children, you can just see it on their faces. I'll bet I inappropriately brushed up against at least 16 Big Brothers at that bar last night alone. I hope their little "siblings" appreciate their company as much as they would have appreciated mine.

I can't help feeling hurt though. I would have made a great big sister- I even had a whole list of things planned to show her. I was going to take her to Indochine to try the amok cambodienne, then to Pegu to try this amazing cocktail I love- it has raw egg in it, but kids aren't really at risk for salmonella anymore right? That's what I thought.

Another idea was to take her to get Japanese thermal reconditioning on her hair. In my dreams it was sort of curly like mine, but 6 hours later i imagined her walking out of the salon with that tell tale swish of silk. These were my short term goals for her, and you just tore them away from me. It isn't fair.

I suppose it wouldn't have hurt so much if the Soho Partnership had returned my calls. Before that, it was rote rejection from Gods Love we Deliver.

But this isn't about my failure to fill the gaping void dug by my utterly shallow existence, this is about us, and where your rejection has left me.

I just thought you should know.

Its left me considering joining the Young Lions of the New York Public Library. What's more, this Saturday, I'll be accompanying my plus one to Ralph Lauren to have his tuxedo fitted. No matter that the price of said tuxedo or my gown could feed an entire zip code. He says it seems like the sort of charity we should be supporting, and after I dabbed the vomit from the sides of my mouth upon hearing that, I felt inclined to agree.

Cordially,

Girl