And back to our regular bitchy commentary...

Hey you! You loud mouthed, utterly unbearable, 31 year old child that I had the misfortune of attending business school with. What was up with your Facebook status today?

Ohhhh, don't play coy, you know the one. This one:

"Been having an email dialogue with the NYT society pages editor as he laments personnel changes that will likely prevent the paper from covering our wedding. This is definitely a first--and truly a sad state of journalism! #Imissnewspapers"

Can I be honest with you?

First of all, bitch, you aren't fooling anyone with your "email dialogue". Dialogue connotes back and forth. You likely received a stock email that was meant to let your over sensitive JAP ass down as lightly as they could without incurring a law suit from your overly-eager-to-please ugly ass fiance and all of your overbearing parents.

Point #2: Personnel changes? The New York Times Wedding Pages are a fucking institution. That shit isn't going anywhere and neither are the poor journalists who write it to get their foot in the door to the Style section. Next time you get married (and honey, there will be a next time, because you are likely to kill # 1 with tinnitus) try not to couch your disappointment in faux concern for the state of print. That motherfucking section isn't going anywhere.

Point #3: You posting this as your status is an embarrassment to society. It's bad enough that you got rejected for an announcement in The Wedding Low Season (e.g. JANUARY) but your making sad excuses for it on Facebook is unacceptable. If you had an inkling of self respect you would have gotten married in June; at least then you could chalk up your failure to the fact that only Rockefellers and really impressive Gays get printed up then. Alternatively, you could have insulted the whole institution to begin with- and on the off chance you did get chosen (but honey, who are we kidding here?) you could have played the pliant bride with a simple "It was really important to the poor shmuck who signed up to stick it to me for life."

Point infinity: I am sorry that the definitive cultural arbiter of our time didn't deem you attractive, well-educated, well-bred or just downright interesting enough to get your dumb picture with aligning eyebrows printed in the Sunday paper atop your resume and the fact that your mom is in a garden club, but relax.

Because here we are. You, with your appalling status update, and me, with my first good fucking thing to write for this blog in years.

So to you I say, Mazel Tov! I hope you and Dodo are very happy together.