Wow.

You guys all knew this and didn't tell me! You let me go through an entire life deprived, out of the know, ever looming on the outskirts of deliciousness. You should have tied me down and forced me to know firsthand the truth.

That Mayonaisse is fucking delicious.

I blame it on my family. Growing up with 3 sisters, Mayonnaise was a dirty word. It's name was not to be spoken in our house. It was unconscionable that the substance should end up on our refrigerator shelf and, by proxy, our asses. No. Mayo was, quite simply, a substance ugly people put on their sandwiches, paired with mysterious looking ham and Kraft cheese slices.

That is, until I recently found myself on business in New Jersey. On business, and hungry in New Jersey. On Business, hungry, and with very limited options in a company cafeteria that makes even the shadiest New York deli look like Bouley. The options were very limited; I opted for the Turkey wrap. I took one bite: heavenly.

Holy fucking shit guys: it was the Mayo. That creamy substance that could turn rat food into finger licking scrumptiousness. That scary looking substance that comes to life between two slabs of carbohydrates: my one true love- Mayo. All my life, I have been holding out for that special someone, but now I know that it was that special someTHING, and that thing is Mayo. I want to shout it from the rooftops- I love you Mayo! Mayo is so godamned good I want to marry it in a special ceremony and have Carrie Prejean speak out against us.

And then something else clicked for me. Something so monumental it made everything else before it meaningless:

This must be how heathens feel about eating Bacon.

The More Things Change the More they Stay the Same

"That's the thing about WASPs, they'll take you out on a proper date and call you the next day, but they'll just as readily fuck a hooker in the backseat of a towncar."- My Brother

(For the record, the lady in this photograph was one of the first "Playgirls", so I reckon that is somewhere in between.) Via the Life Archives

Swagger Personified

(Via the Sartorialist)